Catching up with the Felty Five Family.
I am going to play catch up with news from my crazy family.
I like to call us #feltyfive!
Then I will end with my personal favorite, the Chandler Chronicles.
Lets catch up on my family!
Austin, my son is now 2!! I know, I know, cry me a freaking river right?
But seriously though, he’s fucking crazy.
He is the only one out of my three children that hits back when I spank him, He runs, dives, and cries when he does not get his way.
In the end he finally tells me he loves me and kisses me, just when I am about to lose my shit.
This has gotta be a boy thing right?
I mean, I feel like grown men do this as well?!?
They push you to your limit then tell you, “you are pretty.”
Austin is smart, talking like crazy, mean to his sisters, sometimes mean to me, but truly the completion to our family of five.
Lets move on to Parker. Parker is my eight year old.
Before I give the low down on her, let me remind you all that I grew up with ONE older brother and SEVEN boy cousins.
No girls, no drama.
I was made fun if I even if I thought about crying, which is why it makes me extremely uncomfortable nowadays to see or even hear someone cry.
Parker is a crier….and not just a little cry, a super dramatic, Oscar worthy crier. The sad part is, I feel horrible when I ask her “but why are you crying about that?”
Seriously guys, help me to be more sensitive because when hormones hit I am in big trouble!
She also has a smart mouth which is definitely from me. It is hard when you finally realize your mother was right when she said you would get paid back one day(thanks mom).
And finally my sweet Chandler….my middle child…my sassy, independent, say whatever is on your mind child.
She is officially 5 and getting smarter by the day.
She is currently in a classroom that is an advanced version of Pre-K and her teacher is a rock star. Chandler has been learning words that blow my mind because she fucking corrects me with them.
For example, I asked her to quit arguing with me she said “I’m not I want to compromise.” Her teacher loved this story. Me on the other hand, I almost busted my 5 year old’s lip but then realized nope she is right.
Chandler gives me the best stories which is why I came up with “Chandler Chronicles.
Finally an addition to my Chandler Chronicles…..
Everyone knows boys are typically gassy and gross.
I feel like this is normal right?
Well my husband, whom I adore, while driving home, farts and it smells horrible. The gross part is it keeps lingering, and he laughs because he thinks just maybe he “sharted”.
I say to him first “Babe, I swear if you shit your pants..”
Chandler immediately follows with “Dad, I swear if you shit your pants, I am spanking your butt when we get home..”
But then to top it off, later that night we are eating dinner and my husband farts in the kitchen.
Chandler proudly says “Mom, when I was two I shit my pants everyday.”
Yes, Yes, my sweet girl you did, but can you say poop or pooped from now on????? #cussingmom #needtowatchmymouth