Catching up with the Felty Five Family

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Catching up with the Felty Five Family.

I am going to play catch up with news from my crazy family.

I like to call us #feltyfive!

Then I will end with my personal favorite, the Chandler Chronicles.

Lets catch up on my family!

Austin, my son is now 2!! I know, I know, cry me a freaking river right?

But seriously though, he’s fucking crazy.

He is the only one out of my three children that hits back when I spank him, He runs, dives, and cries when he does not get his way.

In the end he finally tells me he loves me and kisses me, just when I am about to lose my shit.

This has gotta be a boy thing right?

I mean, I feel like grown men do this as well?!?

They push you to your limit then tell you, “you are pretty.”

Austin is smart, talking like crazy, mean to his sisters, sometimes mean to me, but truly the completion to our family of five.

Lets move on to Parker. Parker is my eight year old.

Before I give the low down on her, let me remind you all that I grew up with ONE older brother and SEVEN boy cousins.

No girls, no drama.

I was made fun if I even if I thought about crying, which is why it makes me extremely uncomfortable nowadays to see or even hear someone cry.

Parker is a crier….and not just a little cry, a super dramatic, Oscar worthy crier. The sad part is, I feel horrible when I ask her “but why are you crying about that?”

Seriously guys, help me to be more sensitive because when hormones hit I am in big trouble!

She also has a smart mouth which is definitely from me. It is hard when you finally realize your mother was right when she said you would get paid back one day(thanks mom).

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Chandler Chronicles
And finally my sweet Chandler….my middle child…my sassy, independent, say whatever is on your mind child.

She is officially 5 and getting smarter by the day.

She is currently in a classroom that is an advanced version of Pre-K and her teacher is a rock star. Chandler has been learning words that blow my mind because she fucking corrects me with them.

For example, I asked her to quit arguing with me she said “I’m not I want to compromise.”  Her teacher loved this story. Me on the other hand, I almost busted my 5 year old’s lip but then realized nope she is right.

Chandler gives me the best stories which is why I came up with “Chandler Chronicles.

I have the best stories from her, read them here

Finally an addition to my Chandler Chronicles…..

Everyone knows boys are typically gassy and gross.

I feel like this is normal right?

Well my husband, whom I adore, while driving home, farts and it smells horrible. The gross part is it keeps lingering, and he laughs because he thinks just maybe he “sharted”.

I say to him first “Babe, I swear if you shit your pants..”

Chandler immediately follows with “Dad, I swear if you shit your pants, I am spanking your butt when we get home..”

But then to top it off, later that night we are eating dinner and my husband farts in the kitchen.

Chandler proudly says “Mom, when I was two I shit my pants everyday.”

Yes, Yes, my sweet girl you did, but can you say poop or pooped from now on????? #cussingmom #needtowatchmymouth

 

feltyfive
felt five
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What is a 4 Year Olds Etiquette?

What is a 4 Year Olds Etiquette?


So we have all heard of my sweet Chandler by now?!?

Three times this week she has corrected me and actually made sense of it.

All three times she was being a complete shit.

“A complete shit is defined as a child who has no intentions of pulling their shit together in the moment.”

First, Chandler was acting up in the doctors office for her brother Austin’s appointment. Not only was she singing “This Girl Is On Fire” at the top if her lungs but spinning the doctors chair, opening cabinets, etc.

Obviously I’m tired of threatening her with her dad, so I say “I’m never taking you anywhere that’s not specified for you again.”

Without missing a beat Chandler says “Well, me and Bubba go to the same school so you have to take me somewhere specifically for him.”

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The Stubborn Child-Chandler Chronicles

The Stubborn Child

Chandler Chronicles-one


I’d like to introduce my middle child to you, Chandler! Chandler, is “defiant, stubborn, strong willed, hilarious, and beautiful.” Chandler does something each week that I file away in what I call her own “Chronicles”. I want to share these stories with y’all because I figure that moms everywhere can relate to these type of situations.

Here is my first story of her adorable stubbornness and the conversation that ensued.

Me:Chandler get dressed we gotta take your sister to dance.

Adorable Stuborness:Ughhh do I have to wear a shirt and shoes?

Me:Yes please, especially since we will have to get out of the car.

Then my blondie (aka adorable stubbornness) comes out in a pineapple pattern tank top, leopard gym shorts, and ballet slippers.  Can you imagine this outfit? When I asked what made her choose ballet slippers, she looked at me, number one, like was a complete dumbass for asking and stated “because they are just too comfy not to.”

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